Princess3shuxian’s Weblog

Well the day begin with a rather positive note, ended on a miserable melody..

woke up arnd 8plus.. headed to orchard at 10 am to get my IS module attendance mark.. guess nothing beat having no class, and jus shop arnd orchard and search for inspiration for IS project… after breakfast at Lido mac, with fas, jess, teck, yi jie, elix, grace, bryan, we proceed on to brain storm for ideas.. at arnd 11 plus 12, we headed of for some shopping..

Dropped by Tangs, got a braun buffel wallet for ying ying for 21st birthday.. it pink, hope she likes it.. Then me, elix, grace yijie continued on to muji, for more shopping.. well actually was me who shopped.. guess retail therapy works best for me.. continued on to shop at paragon.. at arnd 2, we headed to starbuck to meet up with the rest.. at arnd 2.45 me, yi jie and jess, headed bak sch for counselling module filming.. vanny and yv, join us later.. So so happi filming.. too much laughter.. too dramatic..haha.. well will continued to film more tmr morning..

Rushed home for dinner, but who knows things didn’t turn out too well across dinner table.. once again i fought with mum over pengjie.. yesterday also the same thing,reach home to find my room in a battle field.. realise that mom is not receptive at all..

Instead of helping PJ, i got myself into more trouble.. guess my efforts have been all denied by my mom.. dun get it, does GPA really matter.. wat wrong with getting 3.2.. does it only mean when i get 4.0 then i am a good girl and i will do well in life.. i dun get it.. i am happy with my current life.. i enjoyed being who i am.. why must she manipulate me and change my life for me.. isn’t this life mine.. i dun need 4.0 to be happy.. why must she complicate matter.. and DAMN TO THAT CRYSTAL.. INSTEAD OF KEEPING HER MOUTH SHUT, SHE ADDED ON TO MY MOM FIRE, BUT PARROTING.. DAMN.. IF SHE IS SO SMART, JUS MOVE OUT, AND STOP PARROTING.. IDIOT.. AND SHE IS ALSO NOT VERY SMART.. SO WHAT RIGHTS DOES SHE HAVE TO MIMICK MOM.. DAMN..

Anyway the main reason of the fight was pengjie.. he was blamed for many  things that he didn’t seem to commit.. and worse, result was jus release.. failed 3 subject.. well why must mum think tat failing 3 subject means the whole world will collapse.. i dun get it.. why is it that failing, means that he is not putting the efforts.. why can’t she jus believe own son..( TAT STUPID IDIOT PARROT, PARROTED SAYING THAT IF HE PUT HIM EFFORT, HE SHLD AT LEAST PASS ALL SUBJECT.. DOES IT MEAN ONLY WHEN PASSING ALL THE SUBJECT MEANT HE IS SHOWING EFFORT.. AND DOES IT MEAN LISTENING TO MUSIC WHEN STUDYING IS NOT SHOWING EFFORT.. ALL CRAP.. COME ON.. WHAT RIDICULOUS ARGUMENT IS TAT)… why must she think that NA is jus easy and that he shld jus do well.. i mean what she expected from me and now she is asking the same from PJ.. PJ not me.. not someone who will jus plainly obey to ur rant and wrath.. he has a mind of his own.. instead of blaming him, why can’t mom put the blame on herself.. if she had been more open and receptive to her children’s opinion, probably today situation will never occur.. why must she be always so high and mighty.. she is suppose to be my mom, not an idol that i put on my altar to pray to.. can’t she learn to hear us out.. I am no longer the 7 year old kid who live and bear with nonsence, rant, runt, and wrath.. i am a 19 yr old person, somebody with a mind of my own, somebody who is old enough to make decision for myself.. i hate it when somebody dun listen..

why must she insist that her way of education is right.. punishment, no longer work. reinforcement is a better choice.. why must she think that what she have is always the best.. i did well and study well not becoz of her, it was Ms Lam’s constant words of motivation and encouragement that got the best out of me.. help me stand up and change me.. It is not the caning that i got from my mom that got me here.. all the screaming, shouting, caning, slapping.. all didn’t work.. it onli brought about more fear and hatred that i have for her.. why doesn’t she understand the fact tat if she pulled the strings too tight, it will snap, by releasing and tightening periodically will be better.. holding on too tightly on PJ now, will jus cause more defiant behaviour from him… and i am jus worried one fine day he will get into trouble.. by then it will be too late to reject… I try to tell mom tat.. but in the end, guess it jus didn’t work out…even got my own efforts denied..

now with this probably some may understand why i hate crystal so so much and why i jus can’t get over certain thing in life and why i react so negatively to certain issues