Princess3shuxian’s Weblog

haha.. ops..

every hundred pieces or so blog entry, means it is time to move..haha..

preparing to a new site.. found a new site called Wretch..

really like their skin..

Well, an evaluation of the site..

Nice skins for blog,
Not friendly to people who are poor in Chinese..
But since my post are in english, shld be ok rites.. haha
Well it is also not as idiot prove as wordpress.. but let’s give it a try K..
If u all dun like it.. think can change back.. anyway enough of my crap/ anticipation..

My new blog address..

http://www.wretch.cc/blog/xianxian11

So do visit..k..

Anyway this site will still be arnd..haha..

guess i will once in a while post some good written words, but for my new rant.. new site

Well the day begin with a rather positive note, ended on a miserable melody..

woke up arnd 8plus.. headed to orchard at 10 am to get my IS module attendance mark.. guess nothing beat having no class, and jus shop arnd orchard and search for inspiration for IS project… after breakfast at Lido mac, with fas, jess, teck, yi jie, elix, grace, bryan, we proceed on to brain storm for ideas.. at arnd 11 plus 12, we headed of for some shopping..

Dropped by Tangs, got a braun buffel wallet for ying ying for 21st birthday.. it pink, hope she likes it.. Then me, elix, grace yijie continued on to muji, for more shopping.. well actually was me who shopped.. guess retail therapy works best for me.. continued on to shop at paragon.. at arnd 2, we headed to starbuck to meet up with the rest.. at arnd 2.45 me, yi jie and jess, headed bak sch for counselling module filming.. vanny and yv, join us later.. So so happi filming.. too much laughter.. too dramatic..haha.. well will continued to film more tmr morning..

Rushed home for dinner, but who knows things didn’t turn out too well across dinner table.. once again i fought with mum over pengjie.. yesterday also the same thing,reach home to find my room in a battle field.. realise that mom is not receptive at all..

Instead of helping PJ, i got myself into more trouble.. guess my efforts have been all denied by my mom.. dun get it, does GPA really matter.. wat wrong with getting 3.2.. does it only mean when i get 4.0 then i am a good girl and i will do well in life.. i dun get it.. i am happy with my current life.. i enjoyed being who i am.. why must she manipulate me and change my life for me.. isn’t this life mine.. i dun need 4.0 to be happy.. why must she complicate matter.. and DAMN TO THAT CRYSTAL.. INSTEAD OF KEEPING HER MOUTH SHUT, SHE ADDED ON TO MY MOM FIRE, BUT PARROTING.. DAMN.. IF SHE IS SO SMART, JUS MOVE OUT, AND STOP PARROTING.. IDIOT.. AND SHE IS ALSO NOT VERY SMART.. SO WHAT RIGHTS DOES SHE HAVE TO MIMICK MOM.. DAMN..

Anyway the main reason of the fight was pengjie.. he was blamed for many  things that he didn’t seem to commit.. and worse, result was jus release.. failed 3 subject.. well why must mum think tat failing 3 subject means the whole world will collapse.. i dun get it.. why is it that failing, means that he is not putting the efforts.. why can’t she jus believe own son..( TAT STUPID IDIOT PARROT, PARROTED SAYING THAT IF HE PUT HIM EFFORT, HE SHLD AT LEAST PASS ALL SUBJECT.. DOES IT MEAN ONLY WHEN PASSING ALL THE SUBJECT MEANT HE IS SHOWING EFFORT.. AND DOES IT MEAN LISTENING TO MUSIC WHEN STUDYING IS NOT SHOWING EFFORT.. ALL CRAP.. COME ON.. WHAT RIDICULOUS ARGUMENT IS TAT)… why must she think that NA is jus easy and that he shld jus do well.. i mean what she expected from me and now she is asking the same from PJ.. PJ not me.. not someone who will jus plainly obey to ur rant and wrath.. he has a mind of his own.. instead of blaming him, why can’t mom put the blame on herself.. if she had been more open and receptive to her children’s opinion, probably today situation will never occur.. why must she be always so high and mighty.. she is suppose to be my mom, not an idol that i put on my altar to pray to.. can’t she learn to hear us out.. I am no longer the 7 year old kid who live and bear with nonsence, rant, runt, and wrath.. i am a 19 yr old person, somebody with a mind of my own, somebody who is old enough to make decision for myself.. i hate it when somebody dun listen..

why must she insist that her way of education is right.. punishment, no longer work. reinforcement is a better choice.. why must she think that what she have is always the best.. i did well and study well not becoz of her, it was Ms Lam’s constant words of motivation and encouragement that got the best out of me.. help me stand up and change me.. It is not the caning that i got from my mom that got me here.. all the screaming, shouting, caning, slapping.. all didn’t work.. it onli brought about more fear and hatred that i have for her.. why doesn’t she understand the fact tat if she pulled the strings too tight, it will snap, by releasing and tightening periodically will be better.. holding on too tightly on PJ now, will jus cause more defiant behaviour from him… and i am jus worried one fine day he will get into trouble.. by then it will be too late to reject… I try to tell mom tat.. but in the end, guess it jus didn’t work out…even got my own efforts denied..

now with this probably some may understand why i hate crystal so so much and why i jus can’t get over certain thing in life and why i react so negatively to certain issues

When a new sem begin,groupie conflict occur..
Thinking that drawing lots was the most democratic way, but still even then, we have  a comment to make with regards to drawing lots..i do not understand why..
Although on the surface it is so calm, but yet deep down problems are still brewing and stirring..
By not letting it all out iszit then the best way to resolve it..

The idea of working in a comfort zone seem too strong.. although we say that our class embraces everyone but haven’t we still are human.. a little selfish.. to balance it out, we had grp by self, will and grps by draws lots.. dun need to say self will grps are usually the IP or the so call comfort grp.. however the draw lots grp was suppose to be veri democratic ended in a very wrong tone.. ppl after the democratic lots still want to change.. sigh.. is dere something wrong from the perfect democratic way..

The onli problem to this conflict is root cause… I mean as a class, sem after sem it rolls up..in this sem we kept our “so called COOL” but still everyone still feel a bit bu shuang here and dere.. where is the love and openess we say we have went to, when grp sortie occur..??

Avoidance, seem to be what we prefer, sem after sem.. be it as a class or jus the person.. even i must admit, i am selfish in a way or another and that i am also avoiding.. having being hit and bruised, time and time, over and over again by the same person, makes me fear/tired to face it le.. have something went wrong with us.. I REALLY DUNNO.. WHAT IS WRONG NOW.. Have we even set the correct foot and pace since yr 1.. i really dislike the idea of not addressing it..

Last sem, probably due to circumstances, i was forced to come to term with it and accepted Yvonne.. I try working with her, befriend with her, and even take a switch in approach to fend for her.. Although still it didn’t work out in the end, but i really try to come to term with it that since we are destinated to meet, then we got no choice but to jus work together and make do with it.. BUT HOW MANY OF U FROM PCS 2A01 2008 come to term with the reality.. sometimes it can be hard, and hurtful but haven’t we all will step out in a yr time to a place where cruelity is the reality.. if we can’t accept her and work with it.. it really jus show how the PCS education have failed..

well the more i see, the more i realise how we have change.. Nothing have we learnt, but instead we have further lost ourselves in this colourful world. the self-love is too overpowering that it shadow selfless.. 

May this sem still keep the peacefulness

Sch has begin for 3 days le.. dunno why, but feel drained, exhausted..going to sch is almost a drag… eww.. i hate the feeling of being so control.. after the free and let loose times they gave us, now tightening the string, seem a little unbreathable for me.. eww… sigh.. when u pull strings too tight it snaps easily..sigh..

dun understand wat kind of shit we land ourselves in.. probably when we think back.. times in the past always seem so good.. sigh.. guess it is harder to accept the present..lala.. man.. i really feel so sleepy reason for the exhaustedness i can’t explain also..haha.. sound like i am caught up with myesthia gravis (MG) damn.. feel like doing some work, but i jus can’t get started.. think i will work tmr…

My Morning Dread

The clock is tickling..
The music is ringing
The sun is Shinning
Yet what greets me
Is the grey ahead..

My Current Life

The Freedom seem to have escape
Wash out through the slits Between Fingers

The Positive attitude seem to have disappear
Erroded together with the hols

The Future lies ahead with the endless piling work
And us being the prisoners of Mid-nite rush

The lectures conducted seems like herse
An almost quiet procession

With many Stats and Sub-sections thats tears ahead
What clearly is the future of the specials one”

No Ones know how they cope,
and how they will brave the storming sems

A little more they ask
is that little space to stretch and breathe..

Was clearing up my cabinet for the new books for this sems.. amaze by the no. of textbk i have bought in POLY.. while clearing came across various items that stirred in my memory..hmm, found my O level social studies notebook.. well was flipping through it, and came across some interesting stuff.. my day planner.. jus realise i used to sleep at 10 pm.. woah.. tat was like dunno how long ago..man i few old.. haha..then also came across my goal setting worksheet..haha..somehow, bring lots of good memory..sigh..

found some old sch photo..jus realise how fun secondary sch was, esp during those special events like racial harmony day..haha..